"Moonlit Chrome" by Em Fitzgerald

I wrote this poem when it was, in fact, close to 4AM and I couldn't sleep because I had the best idea and I had to write an entire 15-page fanfic even though I was supposed to be up early in the morning. Sleep deprivation can be bad, but sometimes I think it's worth it. I think this poem represents the theme of "finding joy in the rabbit hole" because I do suffer from insomnia and chronic sleep issues, but for once I wasn't unhappy that I couldn't sleep. It was a positive, cherishable experience that I'm sure I'll repeat a hundred more times before I graduate. Even as an insomniac, I can find joy in getting no sleep (the proverbial rabbit hole in this scenario) if it means I'm creating a piece that I'm happy with.

Seventeen tabs blur before my eyes

I try to organize, to visualize

but they're drenched in moonlight and the blood of my best damn efforts

And somehow, I can't bring myself

to attempt to manage the chaos.

I embrace it instead

Two hundred edits on top of two million ideas on top of

Two hundred billion stories to tell.

I am an author.

I am writing fanfiction

I am proofing your essays

I am scrubbing furiously at the exhaustion behind watery blue eyes

and I am laughing.

I'm laughing because this is joyful,

and it's 4AM and I have to be alive again in no less than four damn hours

But I just don't care.

I'm writing,

So what does it matter?

I can't sleep,

but the moonlight bathes my notebook in silver-white rays

And sleep is no longer a drug or a priority, but blissfully secondary.